Gear up folks, this one is gonna be a little intense! This post is by no means meant to offend anyone more just to give a little perspective. There is enough pressure out there as a first time mom to just…keep the kid alive once they are born, haha. The last thing I wanted to keep hearing from other mom’s (who had been in my shoes at one point!) were their incredibly bold opinions on what is right and what is wrong for my, at the time, unborn child. Here are a few things I was so sick of hearing about when I was pregnant.
“Breast is best!”
Society had be so convinced that if I had to formula feed my baby I was already doing something wrong. So when Wyatt was born and we discovered he had a really bad tongue tie and physically could not latch, I had to begin formula feeding. My baby wasn’t gaining weight. What was I supposed to do? I felt like saying “formula” was like saying “Voldemort” to people. You know someone actually told me that if I didn’t breast feed I would not have a strong bond with my child after he was born? Yep. Someone actually said this to me (you know who you are). That my bond with my baby would not be as strong if we didn’t nurse. How cruel is that? To imply to a first time mom, who is already terrified, that I wouldn’t have a strong bond with my child if I didn’t nurse him. I was crying because I felt like I was already doing something wrong for my child. Ridiculous.
So ladies, if this is your first baby my advice to you is this: You are the Mom. You are the decision maker. This is your baby, not Susan’s baby. Whatever you do for your baby is the right thing whether that means breast feeding, pumping, or formula. Find a friend that has been in a similar situation and seek their advice (shout out to my girls Melissa and Brooke) because that is who is going to talk you down off the ledge of these crazy opinions other moms throw at you. Do not let the opinions of others on this one affect you. And anyone that is shoving their harsh opinion of “breast is best” down your throat…take a mental note. They are gonna have pretty large opinions about a billion other things you are doing while you raise your child.
“Oh, I had a ‘natural birth’ ” and “Epidurals are linked to autism!”
We’ve all been there. We’ve all been in that conversation with a mom who gets up on her high horse because she didn’t get an epidural. First of all, let me clarify something. All birth is natural. It is your bodies natural ability to carry a baby and deliver it however that happens. What you mean is you had an unmedicated birth, and honestly sweetie power to you. I hit 7 cm and I was like
Seriously. You’re a tough cookie. When I would have a problem with this conversation is when I would tell someone (at the time) that I was planning on getting an epidural and it was like I could see it on their face, they were instantly judging me as a mother. Then they proceed to go on and on and on…and on about the benefits of an unmedicated birth or a home birth. It wasn’t like they were trying to convince me to have one, it was more like they want me to hand them a medal of honor and say, “here, give this to your vagina”.
Now for the ladies that had an unmedicated birth, again I say power to you! That was a brave decision you made because giving birth is not like…the most pleasant thing ever, haha. But when you speak about it, make sure you’re not talking in a tone that would imply to your other mom friends who did have an epidural that you gave birth “better” than they did. It is a personal choice and one that should never be judged. Mom’s STOP TRYING TO SCARE PREGNANT WOMEN OUT OF THEIR CHOICES AND OPINIONS. It’s cruel. Don’t listen to me say, “I’ll probably have an epidural” and follow that up with how “Epidurals are linked to Autism”.
Well…that escalated quickly. That’s a terrifying thought to put into a pregnant woman’s head, especially if she is already apprehensive about giving birth for the first time and the only thing comforting her is the idea that she can get an epidural. Because what you are doing now is already mom shaming her before the little one has even arrived. Enough.
“We don’t vaccinate and here’s the million reasons why”
Lord Jesus, take the wheel.
This is probably the MOST personal decision parents can make out of all of these. Again…re-read that…PERSONAL decision. If I tell you that “Yes, my child got a flu shot”, I don’t need an eye roll. I don’t need you to shove Washington Post articles down my throat. I appreciate your opinion but that is all that it is…an opinion. Remember mom’s that choose not to vaccinate, you are not on a mission to be the anti-vaccinate crusader of America. In the same way that my decision to vaccinate will not impact yours not to vaccinate, your decision to not vaccinate your child will not be the deciding factor of what I do with mine. Everyone is entitled to do their own research and make a decision based on their own opinion on the matter.
Again for the pregnant ladies, this is YOUR choice. My advice is to simply tell people, “you have not decided yet” unless you want to get into the whole thing with someone. Most likely, anyone that is bold enough to just straight up ask you, “are you vaccinating?” is the same person that is ready to pull out their CVS receipt size dissertation on the benefits of not vaccinating. And you’re too hormonal to take part in something like that.
“Induction is not safe for the baby, the baby will come when it is ready!”
Fun story. I struggled with blood pressure issues my entire pregnancy which caused my placenta to work overtime which meant at 38 weeks my Doctors decided to induce me (my son decided to come on his own a few days before but either way that was the plan). It would not be safe for my baby to continue to be in my stomach with a placenta that was not working at it’s fullest capacity. When I told people the plan to induce, the looks I got were sheer terror. “Pitocin is so harmful for a baby!” was what I heard.
Girl, where did you hear that? Who do you know that had a child that had issues and the Doctor said, “It was the Pitocin from Induction.” I mean, it’s crazy! What was NOT safe for my child was to be in my stomach for any longer. What WAS safe for him was for me to be induced at a healthy 38 weeks and 8 days.
When it comes to this, you need to consider the “fear” factor of it all. For women who are about to have their first baby they are scared enough. They are scared for childbirth in general and then to hear their Doctor say that the baby is at risk? And now we need to induce you? It’s scary. The last thing you need to be saying to them is how terrible it will be if they are induced.
This is Wyatt. 9 months old, vaccinated, formula fed, and his mama was given an epidural AND Pitocin during labor. He is healthy as can be and my bond with him is unlike any bond I have ever had with any one person. He is perfect.
Alright gals, that is all. I know that was a very bold post but I am seeing a lot of my readers are expecting little one’s this year and I just wanted to prepare them for what’s to come, haha. I hope I did not offend anyone that was not my intention, I think these are simply things to think about when speaking as a mom to your pregnant friends. And ladies expecting? Remember, you are the mother. You make the decisions. Do not feel that pressure. You are already doing a really great job 🙂
Until next time friends!